Poisonous Creatures
by Ireina Kurotsuki
Summary: Germany really shouldn't have been surprised to see the young nation with a snake twining around him, and a spider on one hand, happily holding a conversation with the small arachnid. Oneshot. Rated for Oz's swearing. Could be slash if you squint.


**Poisonous Creatures.**

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**Disclaimer: **I do not own Hetalia- it is owned by Hidekaz Himaruya, not myself. This is merely a work of fanfiction, and as such I claim none of the characters. I also do not own any music/lyrics quoted herein, they are owned by the artists that wrote/sing them.

**Warnings:** Australia is exceedingly uncautious with venomous creatures. Implied Germany/Australia/Germany

**Flames shall be extinguished with great force because it is bush-fire season and I hate bush-fires. Many Australians do.**

Australia's personality is of my own devising~

This was originally meant to be one of the drabblefics in my series To Explore Characters Through Music, but Australia just _wouldn't shut up_, so it ended up being more of a oneshot than anything else...

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He was home to the most venomous snake on the planet. And many of the other snakes on the top thirty deadliest. He was home to some of the deadliest spiders and many scorpions. He had crocodiles, jellyfish, stingrays and stonefish.

So, Germany really shouldn't have been surprised to see the young nation with a snake twining around him, and a spider on one hand, happily holding a conversation with the small arachnid. He frowned.

"Australia?" he asked cautiously. He was here because many of his people had (for whatever reason) decided to immigrate to Australia's house, and so he'd decided to visit, and surprisingly had struck up a friendship of sorts with the young nation.

The other nation looked up, green eyes bright and friendly under heavy brown brows. "Whassup, Germany?" he said by way of greeting. "I'd shake ya hand, but I don't think Matilda'd like it."

"Matilda?" he asked politely.

"Ah, this little bugger." Australia grinned and held up the hand upon which the spider was perched. "She's a funnel-web(0). Don' think she'd take too kindly to me shaking her up and about."

"A…?"

"Funnelweb. You not heard of 'em up your way?" he asked, raising one of his hefty brows.

"Perhaps… Do you know the binomial name(1) ?" Germany asked. Perhaps he'd recognise it.

"Bi whatsit?"

Germany rolled his eyes. "Never mind." He noticed the snake twine closer around Australia before lifting its head curiously and looking at him in interest. "What sort of snake is that?" he asked.

"Mellie's a taipan. Inland I reckon." Australia grinned. "Wanna pet her?" he asked. Germany tilted his head to the side.

"Aren't they poisonous?(2)"

"Yeah, but Mellie won't bite ya. I won' let her." The younger man's mouth turned up into a smile. "C'mon, Lud." Germany bit his lower lip.

"If she bites me it will be an international incident." the blond warned gruffly, reaching out a hand. Australia just grinned happily and lifted the snake off his neck, allowing her to side down his arm.

The snake's forked tongue flicked out, briefly tasting the foreign nation's scent. It tilted its head a little as though contemplating him before rubbing its head against his hand.

"Ah, see she likes ya!" Australia grinned exuberantly. "Wanna hold 'er?" His green eyes flashed, apparently happy the snake approved.

"Ah…" Germany said, unsure what he should say. Should he accept, and potentially be bitten by one of the most venomous snakes alive? Or should he reject and risk insulting him? Australia, while not in himself terribly powerful, had ties to many powerful nations, China, the UK and USA for instance. Australia's lower lip stuck out in a pout, and his eyes widened and shimmered.

"Pleeeeeease?"

God above, he was just like Italy when he wanted something. Germany wavered, sighing. "Very well. What do I…"

"Just hold out ya arm." Australia instructed. "I'll let the little sheila go ta you." Obediently Germany held out a hand, eyeing the highly deadly snake with some trepidation. Australia held his sunbrowned arm up close to Germany's paler one and the snake looked from Australia to Germany. "S'okay girl. Just play nice yeah?" The snake slowly slid from Australia's arm to Germany's.

He froze, not wanting to make any sudden moves, suddenly _very aware_ that this creature could easily kill with one bite. It might not kill a nation, but it would definitely be painful. Australia noticed the older nation's discomfort and his grin eased into a gentle smile.

"Don' be afraid. I won' let her hurt ya if she gets feisty."

"And just how will you stop a snake striking?" Germany snapped, made edgy through fear.

"Jus' trust me. Pet her if you want, she likes that." Awkwardly the European nation lifted his other hand slowly and petted the snake. Indeed, she _did_ seem to enjoy the patting, butting her head against his arm until he petted her head.

There was a sudden movement behind Germany and he watched in horror as the snake reared up. Before she put her fangs out to strike, the other nation, familiar with this behaviour, quickly put his arm between Germany and the snake.

"Uh-uh, girl, none of that." he scolded it, holding her just at the joint of her jaw with one hand, and tugging her gently till she let go of Germany with the other. Carefully he lifted her head till her fangs were clear of his flesh, venom drops still dripping from the fangs in question. "Johnnie, what've I told ya about baiting Mellie ya daft bugger." he addressed a koala with evil red eyes who ambled out from behind Germany and climbed up onto Australia, looking quite pleased with himself.

"_You IDIOT_!" Germany yelled, pulling out his mobile phone to try and dial the emergency number. What was the one in Australia's house again?

"S'okay, I'm immune ta most poisons. I mean, I'd wanna be, look at all the creatures that live in my place that have venom!" Germany was unconvinced, his finger still hovering over the dial button.

The brunet sighed, adjusting Mellie so she draped on his shoulders again. The snake stared balefully at the koala, who returned the stare. "Look, y'know how Al has his strength, China's immortal, an' the ol'man can see pixies an' whatnot. I'm immune to most poisons and venoms." He shrugged. "Dunno why, but I am." He grinned again. "Comes in pretty fuckin' handy, lots of the real deadly ones are all but invisible. Lookit Matilda!" He laughed, holding up his hand. The spider _was_ small. "Though I fuckin' hate the bloody stinging trees(3) up north." He shuddered. "Wish I was immune to those buggers."

"Stinging… _trees_?" Germany asked in disbelief.

"Oh yeah mate, touch those bastards and you'll know about it all right. An' then there's the wait-awhile.(4)"

"Wait-awhile?" Germany asked, raising a pale brow, quite happy to let Australia pet his poisonous friends as he listed the many ways his house could maim and kill people.

"Yeah mate, s' a vine with these wicked sharp hooks on it. Ya walk into one o' them, and you'll wait a while to be freed 'ey. Got 'em up north in the Daintree an' stuff. Also got these awesome little creatures called coneshells(5), dunno if you know them?" He looked at Germany, his face alight with excitement to finally know more than his older counterpart.

The blond allowed a small smile to tug at the corner of his mouth at Australia's childish exuberance. He was very like Italy in some ways. "I do not believe so."

"Fuckin' _awesome_, y'see they shoot these little barb-things out, right? And these're covered in venom! Then they stick out a hood thing and feed. Oh, an' whatever anyone says, don't pick a coneshell up. The buggers can shoot ya no matter how ya hold 'em, they stick out their thing they use to shoot the barbs and they can move it about."

"Indeed?"

"Yeah! Hey, let's grab a cold one and I'll tell ya more about my babies!"

"'Grab a cold one'?"

"Get a beer! I _know_ you like beer, you practically invented the stuff! An' then I can tell you 'bout my babies! Maybe I can even show ya how the coneshells feed! I reckon there's some at the aquarium I can show ya."

"Very well." Germany acquiesced.

"Awesome!" Australia grabbed his wrist and pulled him along. "By the way, you'll have ta order, 'm only sixteen."

"I _beg_ your pardon?"

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(0)The funnelweb spider is one of the deadliest spiders in Australia, mainly lurks down south. Up here where I am, you wanna look out for the redback.

(1)Binomial naming is the convention in biology of naming something by its genus and species names, i.e. _Cnidaria Cubozoa_ (Box Jellyfish) The binomial names are the same throughout the world, and in Latin, thus enabling people to talk about the same creature which might have a different local name in different areas.

(2)The Inland Taipan is one of the most deadly snake in the entire world, venom-wise at least. So is its cousin the Coastal Taipan.

(3)Stinging trees are real, and srs bzns. They're around here where I live, so you have to be careful what trees you touch out bush-way. They _hurt_ if you touch them.

(4)Wait-a-while is also real, and it's really as simple as Australia explains it up there- vines with wicked hooks on them that really stick in your skin. Excruciatingly painful, and I have a friend who's got a scar on their hand from it.

(5)If you've never watched a coneshell feed, look it up on YouTube, it's really fuckin' awesome to see! 8D /Zoology nerd

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Just a quick note, but I _hope_ I don't have to explain that what Australia's doing up there with his little venomous friends is _NOT_ something that should be done if you're not a trained professional. I also in no way condone underage drinking. However prolific it is here. =~=;

I hope you all enjoyed this,

-Ireina


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